When You Can
by Francesca Montag
Summary: Story takes place after GitF. Rose is upset and the Doctor wants to make her feel better. A misunderstanding separates them, but Rose meets someone who helps her remember.
1. Hoping You Still Care

_A new story, yay :) Hope you all like it. _

_The lyrics at the beginning are_ NOT _mine of course, they belong to the song_ Forever and Almost Always _by_ Kate Voegele_._

_**Disclaimer**: Doctor Who does not belong to me. You should know this by now. _

* * *

**When You Can**

_So you'll be mine  
Forever and almost always  
And I'll be fine  
Just love me when you can  
And I'll wait patiently  
I'll wake up every day  
Just hoping that you still care_

*******

"Rose, just tell me what I did wrong. If you tell me, then I can fix it and then we can forget it and just _move on_," pleaded the Doctor.

But Rose held strong, she didn't feel like talking about what had gotten her so upset. She didn't feel like talking about the Doctor and his…new tendencies. Couldn't he see that she was too busy trying to keep herself together? Didn't he notice how forgotten she felt? That alone, mixed with the recent happenings should be answer enough for him. She couldn't…she _wouldn't_…oblige him just to make him feel better.

It was at times like these where she felt the most alone.

The times were increasing. At least, that's how it felt.

But it hadn't always been this way. Her memories strayed to that of her first Doctor. He made her feel so special. When he looked at her, it was like no one else existed. And for the most part, she felt that no one else did. She sighed, forgetting the current Doctor who was staring at her expectantly and irritated. If she would have known he was going to go on and change so much, she would have done some things differently…

"_Rose_….," he whined.

She looked across at him. Her eyes were piercing. The Doctor stilled for a moment, unsure of what was to come. Had he upset her that much…so much that she would want to…leave? He refused to think of it.

"Let's go somewhere. Have some fun. How does that sound?" maybe he could get her to open up and then things could go back to how they used to be.

She sighed, defeated. "Wherever you want to go Doctor."

He frowned. It was so unlike Rose to not care about where they were going. He must have done something horrible.

So why couldn't he remember what it was?

Shrugging off the fear and confusion…or well his attempt to shake it off, he set the coordinates for their next stop. He decided to take Rose to a time they hadn't been before.

***


	2. A Broken Heart

_Sorry the chapters are short, but this is the way I divided them when I started writing it. Hope you enjoy it anyway :)_

***

"Doctor, where are we?"

He was quite happy with the awe in her voice. But who wouldn't sound like that at the sight in front of them.

"19th century Vienna. Isn't it gorgeous?"

Her mouth remained gaped at the view.

Rose couldn't remember seeing something so beautiful before. Sure, she'd seen other worlds and species, but this was so…_human. _It was nice to know that she didn't have to go looking too far in order to find something breathtaking. Momentarily lost in her thoughts, and in turn, forgetting she was quite upset at the Doctor, she turned to look at the ever-surprising Time Lord next to her.

"What are we going to do?" excitement and expectation dripped from her voice. The sound made the Doctor's grin grow.

"Oh, I don't know…" he had ideas of course, but they all sounded too silly in his mind. If they sounded silly in there, saying them out loud would…

"Oh! Look at this Doctor!" exclaimed Rose. The Doctor's eyes darted to her. How did she get so far ahead of him so quickly? And without him even noticing? He jogged to her. The Doctor saw a leaflet in her grasp, and he felt the blood rush from his face.

"A ball? Really Rose, I mean, we could be doing other things, much more important than going to a _dance…_" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew they were entirely the wrong thing to say. He looked up at her from the paper and saw that she still had her eyes firmly on the words printed in front of her. Her mouth was set in a frown…but not a normal pink-Rose-pout…there was something different about it…

"Well, it's for tonight and I want to go. _You _can go do whatever _you _want to do…_Doctor." _And with that, she walked back toward the Tardis, the paper strangled in her fist.

He stood there, watching her angry stride to the Tardis. He couldn't remember her ever sounding so…mad. And at something so unimportant. He replayed the scene over and over in his mind. Mentally smacking himself, he let the guilt wash over him. They almost always ended up doing what he wanted to do, didn't they? When was the last time Rose was able to simply enjoy herself? To dress up and have fun? And then, like a light bulb switching on above him, he realized what made her frown so different from her regular pout.

When Rose wanted to get her own way, she would pout – it was a sweet look that had always stolen his hearts and caused him to do whatever just to make her smile again. But this frown was different. It was a frown that told him, whether she realized she was doing it or not, that Rose had gotten used to not getting her way. Not anymore.

When had _this_ happened?

He ran after her, until he finally stepped into the Tardis. The console room was empty, its sound deafening. Rose was very mad at him, and he wanted that to change and quick. But how could he fix something he hadn't realized had been broken?

***

_Oh that sometimes-daft Doctor of ours. What will we do with him? heh. _


	3. For a Human

***

The Doctor remained in the console room for what seemed like forever, which was quite impressive a feeling for a Time Lord. He was sitting in front of the screen, staring hypnotically at the Gallifreyian writing, letting his mind go numb for once. Better numb than actually feel the guilt he had begun to feel while waiting for Rose to emerge from her room.

He was unaware of how long she had been in there, but his senses were telling him that it had been quite a time ago. He'd take her to the ball, he had no qualms about it…it was just that…

Before the Doctor could finish his thought, he heard the tapping of heels on the floor. Suddenly nervous, the Time Lord sprung from his chair so quickly that the tools he had left idly on the console dropped to the floor. He bent down to pick them up, cursing silently in his native language. Raising himself off the floor, the tools tightly in his grasp, he looked up at Rose and promptly dropped the tools, their clanging echoing in the vast ship.

He had never seen her look so…just _so_.

Rose's hair was up, but there were tendrils falling, framing her face. Her usual make up was toned down and subtle, her lips slightly pink, as if swollen. She was wearing a satin midnight blue empire waist gown. There were black designs of geometric circles decorating the edges, so minute that only his eyes could have seen them from where he stood. The sleeves of the dress were short, like any ordinary t-shirt. Understated and gorgeous, like her, he thought idly. They showed off her slightly toned arms. All that escaping had done wonders for her, but she still maintained a softness about her, curves everywhere…

He coughed suddenly and bent down to pick up the tools he had dropped…again.

"You…you look…very…beautiful," she looked exquisite, but she didn't need to know how deeply his observations went.

"For a human," she said, a slight smirk about her lips.

The Doctor looked to her as he stood up, lifting one eyebrow. The words were so normal, but he remembered the last time he'd said them to her. He was slightly surprised that she remembered. What she didn't seem to understand was that he meant it then and he meant it now. Rose seemed to have paid more attention to the teasing than to the actual meaning of his words and behaviors.

"So…," he continued, choosing to ignore her last statement, "we're going to the ball?" The Doctor wanted to forget what he had seen on her face earlier.

Rose walked past him and to the Tardis doors, her heels clicking on the floor. Each step made his head spin with fear. The Doctor felt his hearts race. Was she leaving him?

She placed her hand on the door, but turned around before stepping out. "You still need to get ready because you can't go in there with that on, they'll think you're mental," she smiled softly, the Doctor's eyes intensely on hers, "so, I'll meet you in there." She looked at him one last time and then pushed open the door and left.

It wasn't like Rose to leave without him. The Doctor tried to ignore the feelings of rejection that swam over him. He didn't like it when Rose was upset with him, but this…this went beyond anytime he had upset her in the past. The only moment of consolation he had, the only part that made him feel like there was an inkling of hope, was the slight stinging of teasing accompanied by her sad smile.

He made his way quickly down the corridor to the wardrobe room. He'd find something to wear and then race over to the ball and find Rose.

There had to be something behind all this and he'd find out what it was sooner or later. The Doctor preferred sooner. He didn't want to lose her.

And he felt that time was of the essence.

***

_Isn't it always though? _

_I hope the story itself is making up for the short length :) I also hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading, the alerts and reviews...I promise to get back to them all at some point :) _


	4. Different

***

All he had to do was stay quiet for a little while longer. The more he gave her some space right now the faster she could get over being left behind, Rose thought. She was walking slowly to the large building where the ball was being held. Hugging herself around her middle, she tried to ignore the images in her mind of the Doctor and Reinette. She was tired of thinking about them, tired of coming up for reasons why he did it. Rose knew she had to accept it. It had to be done if she wanted to continue traveling with the Doctor.

Rose sighed softly. Even while walking along by herself and staring at her feet, she knew she didn't want to leave the Doctor. Not ever. And so, that meant she would have to get over the realization that he would never truly be hers. Reinette may be gone, but there would be others. And just like Reinette, they would be classier, more intelligent and more flirty than Rose could ever imagine herself to be.

Looking up, Rose stopped abruptly. She looked up and was in awe of the majestic building in front of her. It was exquisite with complex designs that Rose didn't recognize carved into the sides of it. There were hordes of people streaming in and out, all dressed elegantly and some were laughing joyously. Rose smiled halfheartedly at the people. Maybe she should have waited for the Doctor.

As if on cue, she felt someone take her hand. She looked to the right of her, startled. Her lips upturned into a smile when she saw the Doctor dressed elegantly in a black suit, right next to her. He grinned brightly right back at her.

"Shall we, Dame Rose?" his voice was husky and low in her ear.

Her mouth having gone dry, she attempted to get the words out, "Always, Sir Doctor."

With one more look at each other, their hands clasped, they walked up the stairs to the massive building where the ball and an eventful night awaited them.

***

Rose and the Doctor walked into the large room and Rose immediately noticed that everyone was staring at her. Looking at the rest of the women on the floor, she could see why. Her dress didn't look _anything_ like theirs. The dresses they had on had cinched waists, puffy sleeves and puffy skirts. The dresses were so bell-shaped that you couldn't see their shoes, though Rose could bet that if she could, it would be one more thing they didn't have in common. She felt a sudden blush come over her cheeks from embarrassment. Tugging on the Doctor's sleeve, he startled and followed her to the side.

"Rose, what's wrong?" he asked, clearly worried about her.

"Doctor," she said, looking around her, "I don't look anything like these women."

The Doctor looked her over, lingering a bit longer than necessary, Rose thought. It must be her paranoia. Then, shaking himself out of it, he whispered to her, "All you need to do is act like you belong…just like we always do." He smiled warmly at her.

She wished he would have said something else to her. Rose had given up on anything ever happening with the Doctor, but there was a small part of her that still wanted it….would _always_ want it.

Suddenly, the Doctor released her hand and placed it on the small of her back and whispered in her ear, "I'm going to get something to drink. Would you like something?"

Rose felt her heart stutter. His breath tickled her earlobe and made her tremble. All she could do was nod. With a smile, he let her go and made his way through the crowd to the refreshment table. She looked after him as he walked away. The suit made him look that much more gorgeous.

Sighing sadly, she came to the realization that there was no way he was made for her.

***

_I've been getting lovely messages (in the process of responding, seriously!) about how independent Rose has been portrayed. I am extremely happy she is coming off this way because to me, Rose is a very strong character in the show. _

_I haven't even finished the story yet so I'm not completely sure how I'm going to end it (though, of course, I know what _will _happen, just not _how _it will happen). Now, having said all that, I must tell you that from here on out, I don't know if your views about her will change. I sure hope not because even if Rose loves the Doctor and chooses to stand by him – to me that still means she is extremely brave. My Rose in this story (and the one in the show really) knows that she has to accept the fact that he may never really be hers in order to still be with him. It's not meant to hurt her (because I'm not capable of hurting Rose - not completely) or to make her lesser than him because to me, they're equals. They're both sacrificing, and selfish characters – the best of contradictions - and I love them for it. _

_That's the most personal I've gotten with my love of Who on here (in terms of Author's Notes), but I felt it was necessary. _

_Thank you for the reviews, alerts, messages and faves – it means A LOT to me!_


	5. Ginger

***

The Doctor reached the refreshment table and grabbed two glasses of punch. He turned around to see where Rose had gotten to and realized that she hadn't moved from her spot against the wall. Taking a moment to look over her, he shook his head and chuckled. Of course she didn't fit in…Rose Tyler could _never_ fit in. She was too unique, too wonderful and the dress had absolutely nothing to do with it. Except, of course, that it fit her spectacularly well. It hugged her in all the right places, and the material felt so smooth under his hand when he placed it…

He felt a heat rush through him which automatically stopped his thoughts. Concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, the Doctor was making his way toward Rose when he was stopped suddenly by a ginger-headed woman. She was about Rose's height and was dressed in a golden ball gown. The Doctor looked over at Rose quickly and tried to sidestep the woman, but she refused to let him pass. Trying his best to not be rude for once, he uttered a frustrated, " 'ello" and tried to get past her once more, all while attempting not to spill the drinks in his hands. But she only followed his steps again. Then, abruptly, she took the drinks out of his hand, placed them harshly on the table where he got them and pulled him on the floor.

It all happened so quickly that he didn't know to react. Instinctively, he followed her footsteps, if only to get a grip on the situation. Did he know her? He looked at her, the bright ginger hair, stormy green eyes and fair skin. A mischievous smile was playing on her lips… But the Doctor found that he couldn't place her. The Doctor looked up toward where Rose had been standing. As soon as he did so, however, he felt his stomach plummet. The look on her face at that moment…the way he and this woman must have looked to her… Well, the teary eyes and painful frown on her lips said it all. Coming to his senses, he removed himself from the woman's tight grasp and ran toward Rose. Seeing this, her face locked in determination, she ran skillfully away from him and got lost in the crowd. The Doctor looked around frantically for her but she was no where to be seen.

***

_This was a pretty short chapter, and after much consideration I decided to give you guys an extra chapter this time around :)_

_Make it last my loyal, wonderful readers...it may take me awhile to post again...I'm almost reaching the point where I ended writing (NOT the end of the story lol)._


	6. The Mystery that Awaits

***

Rose had no idea where she was going. All she knew was that she wanted to be as far away from the Doctor as possible. Running behind some columns, she found a staircase and promptly made her way up. Anywhere to get away from _him_.

She picked up her dress so as not to trip, the last thing she needed was to hurt herself. Rose attempted to keep her tears at bay until she was by herself and was failing miserably. Once upstairs, she found that it was very dark and void of people. Thankful for this, she sat down on a loveseat and promptly buried her face in her hands. Streams of tears found their way down her fingers to her wrist, her make-up ruined.

Maybe she was overreacting, but Rose couldn't help the feeling that overcame her when she saw the Doctor dancing with that woman. It was a plethora of images and memories all coming at her at once. His distraction and forgetting about her… they were things that were happening way too often now. More than they used to when he was broken and blue-eyed. She lowered her hands to cover her mouth, fighting the sobs that wanted to escape her.

Then, there were the other images. It was all too similar…the dancing, his eyes as he looked down at that woman…the golden ball gown. She couldn't help the pain that swam over her, the tingles of it reaching her fingertips. It was too much and much too soon. Rose shut her eyes tightly, her hand still clamped harshly over her mouth as the pain made its way up her throat and simultaneously through her nerve endings again.

"Excuse me, are you alright?" asked a gentle voice from a dark corner.

Rose gasped, surprised and suddenly embarrassed at what a sight she must be. She got up to leave when he moved forward, reaching out a hand.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I'll leave you be," stated the voice.

Feeling instantly ashamed at making a total stranger so uncomfortable, she shook her head at him. "No, no, I'm sorry…I didn't know anyone was up here." Rose sat back down, slumped against the seat and stared at her hands.

The stranger remained in the darkness and was silent. Not wanting to be rude, Rose finally whispered, "You can sit down if you like." She wanted very much to muster up the energy to leave him or to at least be cordial, but as it was, she had no energy to put up a front anymore. For anyone.

"Uh…I could leave you, if you're more comfortable."

Rose shrugged, not really caring if he left or not. She could be surrounded by people and still feel more alone that she had ever felt before. One person sitting next to her would do nothing to change that.

The stranger made to leave, but seemed to change his mind at the last second and sat down next to her, keeping a respectable distance. Rose looked below the balcony where there were people dancing around, the music streaming throughout the building. What she would give to be someone other than herself right now. Anything to not feel this pain.

Staring mindlessly in front of her, a handkerchief was suddenly thrust toward her. She looked at the strange man, his face illuminated so she could see him clearly now. Rose was struck by how handsome he was. His hair was brown and gorgeous in soft waves. It fell a bit long and framed his face attractively. He was wearing an elegant black coat with a gray vest underneath and a crisp white shirt peaking through as well as black trousers and shiny black shoes. Everything was just so…classy.

Absentmindedly, she took the handkerchief. "Thank you," she whispered as she wiped her tears from her cheeks.

"You're welcome. May I ask again, are you alright?" Rose could hear the tender and honest worry in his voice. She smiled even though it hurt.

"Not really, but thanks for asking." The least she could do was be honest. It was taking up too much energy to even smile. She folded the handkerchief and left it on her lap. She might need it again.

She attempted to clear her throat, and tried for normality, "Are you having fun?" The words came out to the vacant air in front of her. Rose didn't want to look at the handsome man. Her eyes were puffy, they hurt just to open. She knew she wasn't much company, no need for him to look at her this way as well.

The man chuckled lightly, "Not really. I was never one for balls. Always thought there was something better and more fantastic to do." Rose smiled at his nonchalance.

He leaned forward, "Was that a smile?" Rose's grin grew a bit wider, a flash of teeth peeking through. She ignored the history of those words and instead looked at him rather shyly, her eyes exploring his face once again. He seemed so kind and gentle. Brilliant even.

Smiling broadly, he leaned closer to her and whispered, "Would you like something to drink?"

Rose felt her fingertips tingle, a different sensation than the earlier one flooding through her. She nodded, her smile growing.

***

_Any guesses as to who the mystery man is?_

_Don't give up the secret if you're name is _elvespiratesandcowboysohmy _lol_

_Hope you all are enjoying this so far..._

_Thanks for reading :)_


	7. Best Friends and Broken Hearts

***

The Doctor was frantically searching for Rose on the lower level of the building, guilt and fear gripping him from all angles. All he had to do was find her and explain the situation. He was about to climb the stairs to check the second floor when the same hand that stopped him before stopped him again.

He turned to look at the green-eyed woman. Why did she keep following him?

"Yes, may I help you?" he asked her, frustration ringing in every word.

The woman got closer to him, spreading her hand on his chest and batting her eyes at him.

"Where are _you_ going in such a hurry?" she purred.

The Doctor rolled his eyes.

Humans.

***

Sipping at the glass of water the stranger had provided from almost nowhere it seemed, Rose wondered what the Doctor was doing. Was he still dancing with that ginger woman? Were they doing something else now? She forced the thoughts out of her mind.

Giving him back his glass, she smiled. This man had made the situation a bit more bearable. "My name is Rose."

Smiling, he took a hold of her hand, and placed a gentle kiss near her knuckles. She felt the same tingling as before. "John," he replied, simply.

He set her hand down on her lap, his touch lingering for a moment more before he moved away. Rose felt the pain still fresh in her chest, but smiled none the less.

"So, John," she forced her voice to sound normal…as much as it could sound that way, "if you don't like dances, what are you doing here?" Rose was slightly teasing the man; she found that it came naturally. She leaned back against the loveseat and turned towards him.

John chuckled again, "Well, sometimes I just…end up in strange places." He smiled mysteriously at her and offered no further explanation.

Rose let herself laugh softly. She knew that feeling all too well.

They remained in amicable silence for awhile. Neither seemed eager to fill it. Rose was surprised at how natural it felt, just sitting here with him. There was none of the usual awkwardness she had with strangers. It just didn't happen with John. Even his name came easily in her thoughts. It provided a comfort that she desperately needed at the moment.

How strange that the comfort came from someone she had just met.

"And, tell me Rose, why the tears?" She sensed genuine curiosity in his voice. For a moment, before she could stop herself, she thought about how much it reminded her of the Doctor. The comparison brought fresh pain to the surface of her heart. She could feel tears beginning to pool in her eyes. Rose turned to John and offered him a watery smile.

"Oh, you know…broken heart and all that." He seemed taken aback by the honesty as well as the palpable heartbreak in her words.

Maybe she was telling this man too much, but she felt that if she kept it to herself any longer, she would surely break. And Rose couldn't afford that, not when she didn't have someone to help her put herself back together. She looked down at her hands, clasping her skirt tightly, her knuckles so white with tension that they could tear through the fabric with ease, as if it were tissue.

John placed a hand gently on Rose's, the one ready to tear through the material. The warmth of his hand staggered her, causing her heart to beat quickly. She remained quiet, losing herself in his intense stare.

"And who, Rose, has broken your heart?" he said it in a whisper, a bit of sadness etched in his eyes. Or had the sadness always been there and she was just now noticing?

Her hand still cradled in John's stronger one, Rose let out a shaky, breathy laugh, "My best friend." How else could she explain the Doctor? He might not be her boyfriend or anything…but he was her friend. The best of them…even if he did, occasionally, leave her behind.

"A best friend who makes you cry?"

Rose had just met this man, and so quickly he was able to read her mind. The only other person who could do that, well, most of the time anyway, was the Doctor. It caused a multitude of emotions to pass through the pit of her stomach. Butterflies because this man's voice and touch were making her skin tingle and nausea because it felt like she was cheating on the Doctor.

But how could it be cheating if they were only friends?

Rose couldn't find the energy just then to sustain her smile and she let a few tears escape. She raised her other hand with John's handkerchief to her eyes, dabbing them lightly.

"Oh, he's not all that bad. Brilliant really. He's strong and funny, caring…he's so clever. So so clever," she smiled faintly at the memories of her Doctor…_the_ Doctor, she corrected herself. Feeling a slight squeeze from John's grasp, she added, "its no wonder he doesn't want me."

Almost instantly, she felt John's fingertips under her chin, turning her towards him. She saw a wave of emotion pass through his eyes. Rose was unable to distinguish it. A few more tears escaped. John opened his mouth and said nothing for a moment. Then, slowly, he whispered, "How can you say that? I just met you and I can see how very clever you are."

Rose smiled half-heartedly. This man thought he knew her from just a few moments of watching her weep. "Oh, I can be clever. I'm just not clever enough." Rose looked back down, forcing herself from his touch on her chin. She liked this man, irrationally so, and she felt she was in danger of simply saying _too_ much.

***

_I'm sorry I haven't responded to reviews! I suck. _

_Now that that's out of the way, I hope you're enjoying the story. I got some close guesses as to who the Mysterious Man is. Does this chapter clear it up/nail it down for you a bit more? Let me know, I'm curious to find out. _

_Thank you for reading :)_


	8. A Very Lucky Man

***

The Doctor let the back of his head thump against the wall repeatedly. The ginger-haired woman would not let him pass and now she was joined by a small gaggle of women who had cornered him without a decorous way of leaving. And if he wanted to look for Rose, which he very much wanted to, he would have to try and not get kicked out of this ball.

Where could Rose be? The question kept repeating itself, ignoring the jabbering of the women around him. They were all so fake and a bit prissy if he cared enough to classify them. He missed his little pink and yellow human. When Rose spoke, it didn't make him want to contemplate shoving his head through a wall, it made him listen and laugh and tease and flirt. Where was she?

And why did this place seem ever more familiar with each passing minute?

***

Rose stared off into nothing, her eyes, mind and heart aching. She wondered where the Doctor was.

_Probably dancing, _she thought, numbly.

John coughed, bringing Rose out of her reverie, "Sometimes…men…don't know they have someone fantastic until they're gone. Maybe…maybe its time you leave this friend of yours…" he let the words trail off at the end, a suggestive tone to them. Rose stared at him, unsure of how to take his statement.

He leaned toward her, his hand reaching out, his fingers trailing through her hair. The closeness made her head spin. John's eyes looked down to her lips and then quickly back up to her eyes. Rose felt that he could see to her very soul, and hear her thoughts. Maybe he could.

"Come with me," he whispered, his voice huskily intimate.

Her mouth hung open. Rose couldn't believe what she was hearing. He was asking her to leave the Doctor and to be with him. She didn't know how to feel. Knowing she wouldn't leave the Doctor, the idea still made her ache. The idea that someone wanted her, wanted to know her and by the looks of it, even maybe love her so quickly and without hesitation made her heart beat fiercely in her chest.

Why couldn't the Doctor do that? She wondered idly.

Thoughts of the Doctor brought Rose back to reality and her current situation. She could never leave him. He could hurt her and leave her, but she simply couldn't leave him. It wasn't about punishing herself or thinking she didn't deserve more…it went beyond petty differences. It was about loving him regardless, knowing that he needed someone. And until he met someone who would become _his_ everything, she would be with him.

Rose smiled at John, her feelings written in her eyes and heart. This man was extraordinary…and any other time and she would go with him. She didn't know why, but he made her feel safe and loved. But that was crazy wasn't it? She had just met this beautiful stranger.

"I can't leave him. I love him," it was as simple as that.

John didn't move away from her, he lingered near her…his heady scent wafting around her.

"Are you sure?" She heard his desire for her to reconsider it in his voice. Rose bit her lip.

Sighing, he let a gentle smile reach his lips. He looked defeated. "Well, can't say I didn't try, correct?" There was a familiar twinkle in his eye, one Rose couldn't place. Still, she smiled apologetically at him.

He stood up and offered her his hand. She looked back up to him, confused.

"Care to dance?" he whispered. Rose smiled and reached to meet his hand with hers. A jolt of electricity met between them.

Rose stood up and let him wrap his arm around her waist while holding her hand in the other. He held her close, his lips in close proximity to her ear, his breath causing her to shiver. They began to move slowly and together in a perfect rhythm, as if they had done this before. As if they had always been doing this.

"Your friend is a very lucky man to have you," he whispered in her ear, "So loyal. You love him very much." He moved to look into her eyes and Rose felt herself melt and was thankful that she was being held in his arms.

"I wish he thought that too," she said, her heartbreak in every word.

John continued looking down at her, his eyes trailing to her mouth. He dipped his head, almost meeting her lips. Rose trembled under his touch; his breath was tickling her lips. She knew what was coming next and didn't know if she should stop it.

Letting his lips linger just beyond hers, he whispered, "Deep down…inside his lonely heart, because yes Rose, whoever this man is, I can believe that he must be horribly lonely within himself…deep in there, he knows how much he loves you. How could he not? He must be afraid. And, who wouldn't be afraid of loving someone as internally and externally beautiful as you? He must be afraid of losing you. I know I would be too." And as Rose's lips parted in surprise, John used the opportunity to finally overlap her lips with his.

It was a sensation Rose couldn't remember feeling before. This intensity of their lips touching, moving gently and slowly together in unison was beyond anything she could fathom. Her hands traveled to the back of his neck, sending a tremble throughout his body that she felt against her own. His hand remained at her waist, the other, was buried in her hair. The kiss grew intense and Rose found herself drowning in it.

Eventually, their heated kiss dissipated into a series of shorter gentler kisses, ending with a final kiss on her cheek. Rose looked up at this strange man and smiled brightly, slightly out of breath.

"And…you're sure you don't want to come with me?" he asked, also visibly short of breath. She chuckled at his persistence, also knowing she would enjoy spending time with this man. But, she had another man whom she couldn't leave, not even if she tried.

Rose shook her head, tilting it in the process, smiling up at him. "No, but thank you….for everything." She let her hand smooth down his collar. "You are going to make some girl very happy one day."

John chuckled, letting both his hands sit at her hips. "I guess we'll see." He smiled softly.

Reaching for her, he took one of her hands in his, kissing the top of it. "I'm afraid it's my time to part then, Rose. Thank you for a memorable evening. I doubt I'll be forgetting it anytime soon." Humor sparkled in his eyes.

She giggled and reached up to caress his cheek. "You're a wonderful man." And stepping up on her toes, she kissed him gently on his soft lips, nothing more than a feather against his skin. John smiled at her once more, releasing her and quietly stepped out onto the hallway to descend the stairs.

Rose sighed contentedly and decided to sit for awhile longer before going to find the Doctor. Her heart still hurt at the Doctor's actions, but she was eager to be by his side again, as long as he was willing to keep her.

***

_I'm slowly getting back to my reviews. Thank you for all the loveliness! I can tell you that a few of you are very very right and some of you are...not so. But hey, such is the guessing game, yeah? But just to add, the red headed woman is not a future or past companion. She's actually quite nothing :) A wannabe distraction I suppose :) She's there...purely for distraction actually. _

_Hope you like so far :) I'm on Spring Break right now so if I can give out another chapter by the end of it, I will :)_

_Thanks for reading!_


	9. Flooding

***

The Doctor was getting a headache from all the thumping his head had been doing. The women were still surrounding him, they were worse then a horde of Slitheen. He was about to simply herd through them to make his way up the steps where he was sure Rose was hiding when a movement on the stairs stopped his planning.

It was a man. A wavy haired man with familiar clothing and an offset look to his eyes. The Doctor continued staring at him as he made his way down the stairs and through the people on the lower level until he reached the doors.

It was always weird catching a glimpse of his prior regenerations.

And then, in a matter of seconds, it all came back to him. He gasped as the flood of memories rushed into his massive brain from where they had been hidden.

The blond-haired woman who had been crying in the dark. The one who hadn't noticed as he sat in the shadows, hiding from the women downstairs. It was Rose. He'd kissed Rose. Rose had said she loved _him_. This him. There were images of hand holding and weeping and admiration rushing through his mind.

How had he forgotten _this_?

Damn that regeneration sickness. It sometimes caused a lapse in his memory, but the mere thought that Rose had been forgotten…it was so absurd. But there it was. No wonder this place seemed so familiar.

His previous self had kissed Rose, had offered her a ride in the Tardis (in not so many words, but that was the intention) and she had said no. Because she loved _him_. Her current Doctor. And Rose thought he didn't love her. Pain reached his hearts once again.

Thinking of the conversation and the kiss, the Doctor forced himself to ignore the irrational jealousy that always seemed to come linked to Rose and finally made his way through the women that were around him, making his way up the stairs. All the while, he thought the inevitable to himself, the fact that, as it were…it seemed that no matter what face he wore or what experiences he'd had, have, or will have…Rose remained the constant in his existence one way or another. Even before he knew who she was.

The Doctor then came to the unavoidable realization, as he ran up those steps, his hearts beating loudly against his chest, that it didn't matter who he was, or what he looked like…he'd always fall in love with Rose Tyler.

***

_Yeah, it's a small chapter. But 1.) I think I'll be updating before or during the weekend and 2.) Look at what I've given you! The mystery man's identity – it's the Doctor himself! The Eighth Doctor to be exact. Who, besides me, has seen the movie and fallen for that man? He's just so cute and classy lol. _

_Anyway, hope you like, even if it was short :) Thank you for the reviews, I love them all and have finally caught up with them :D_

_Thanks for reading!_


	10. But for How Long?

***

Rose sat in the darkness, hearing the music from down below. There was still an ache in her heart, her eyes were swollen from crying and her hands were still slightly trembling…but John had made her realize how much she loved the Doctor, loved him even if he didn't want her like that. It didn't mean that she would eventually leave the Doctor, or that she would come to resent him. All it meant was that she'd have to let go of that part of her heart. Let go and forget. She'd seen the end of the world many times, battled monsters and nightmares…she could learn to let go eventually.

There was a sound in the darkness as she looked to its source. She saw the Doctor standing next to the loveseat, looking down at her. Rose could feel her heart skip a beat, the beat that always skipped when he was near her. Maybe it wouldn't be that easy to forget, she reasoned, but she could learn to ignore it and push it away.

"Is this seat taken?" there was humor in his voice, but it was strained. Rose nodded and looked away from him. The Doctor sat down near her, his knee touching hers faintly. It was so little a gesture, but it felt magnified to Rose. It always did when he touched her.

"So," he started, "I've been looking for you." Rose could feel his eyes on her, but she didn't want to look at him. Didn't want to look to find his chocolate eyes staring at her, making her melt. It wasn't fair.

"Sorry," she murmured, "I didn't feel up to dancing after all." The lump in her throat refused to be swallowed.

The Doctor took her hand gently into his and held it, resting it on his leg, trailing over it with his fingertips. She looked down at their hands. The image made her eyes water once more. Why did he keep torturing her like this? She willed herself to move away from him, to realize that this was simply making the letting go, ignoring and pushing away that much harder. But she couldn't stop him from touching her. On the contrary, she wanted to savor it and sink in it.

***

Sitting there, holding Rose's hand in his…his fingertips exploring the curves and dips of her knuckles, he let the memories of his Eighth regeneration sink in. He'd come to this place near his end, though he didn't know then it was going to end. Now that he let himself think about it, it had actually been the Tardis that landed him at this place and time. He smiled at his ship's cleverness.

Never being one to be in a sea of people, especially if the majority were women who were ogling him, he had escaped to the second level of the house. Here, he had been hidden by the shadows. The music from the first floor brought back the feelings he had been swimming in when he first saw her come in.

Rose had been crying. It had been heart wrenching to watch. It was so painful. It hurt worse now knowing that it had been his fault her tears were falling.

He remembered watching her for a short time, her grace showing in what appeared to be her weakest state. The Doctor had felt then that leaving was really the best thing, but when he made way to do just that, go back to his Tardis, back to the universe…he looked back to her and felt that he couldn't. So instead, he walked back to the lonely, heartbroken blond, took out his handkerchief in the process and handed it to her.

Then there were half-smiles, sadness, an invitation…

Some dancing.

And then…

The Doctor looked at her just then, his fingertips stilled on her hand. Rose was looking out in front of her, just as she had done with his previous self. There was still so much sadness etched in her features, his hearts broke at the sight. His strong savior…taken down so low by the person she had saved so willingly time and time again, someone who had sworn to protect _her_. He'd hurt her so much. The Doctor knew she had chosen to stay with him…but for how long?

***


	11. Hand in Hand

***

She felt it when his fingers had stopped. Everything he did was always noticed by her.

Everything.

Sighing, Rose finally felt the fatigue take hold. Her eyes were stinging, bones were aching and her heart needed to mend. There was eagerness in her to be near the Doctor, the same zeal she always felt because of him. But for now, all Rose wanted was sleep. To curl up on her bed in the Tardis and sleep away the pain in her body and heart. She hoped recent memories would fade as well. Isn't that what sleep did after all? Didn't it repair and allow you some hours rest from life? Where dreams took you and gave you what you most desired…

Or feared.

Rose turned to the Doctor, and was startled to find that he was looking at her, his eyes full of questions.

She didn't quite feel like answering them just then. Maybe not ever.

"Doctor, I'm tired. Think I'll go to the Tardis." She made to get up, but was surprised when the Doctor strengthened his grip on her hand not letting her move up from their seat. Looking at him, confusion echoed in her eyes.

He cleared his throat and loosened his grasp on her, but only a little. "I'll go with you," he whispered.

Furrowing her brow further in confusion, she said, rather tiredly, "That's okay Doctor, I don't mind. When you're ready to go I'll be in the Tardis. Still got my key." She made to get up again and with a polite tug, the Doctor was forced to let go of her hand. Smoothing her dress and tucking tendrils of hair behind her ears, she smiled half-heartedly at him and walked slowly out the door to the stairs.

Rose looked down as she walked down the steps. She did it partly because of her fear of tripping, but mostly because she didn't want anyone to see her swollen eyes. She already had plenty of attention because of her dress, she didn't need anymore of it. Finally stepping on the main floor, she felt herself wobble a bit in her heels. Just as she was about to steady herself on the railing, she felt a hand hold hers, fingers intertwining with her own.

She would recognize that hand anywhere.

The Doctor looked at her, his eyes burying deep into her own. She felt her insides melt. It all felt so familiar in such a different way. Shaking her head slightly, she let a brighter smile reach her lips. He smiled back at her, his grin a bit heartier than it had been. It still didn't completely reach his eyes.

Rose felt his hand tighten around hers. In silence and hand in hand, the Doctor and Rose walked out of the ball and made their trip to the Tardis.

***

_Awwww..._

_**BUT**...that' **isn't **the end yet readers...stay tuned :)_

_Thanks for reading!_


	12. Always

***

The Doctor felt a sense of fear he wasn't accustomed to feeling in letting go of Rose's hand as she left to her room to wash up and sleep. There wasn't a full understanding of why, but since remembering who he was and everything she had come to be…he was afraid that if he let her go, even for just one moment, she'd forget why she ever came with him in the first place.

Now at this crossroad with himself, he couldn't remember why she had.

He made his way into the kitchen to make some tea. The routine stilled his normally calm nerves, giving him something to concentrate on. Once ready, he took his steaming mug and started walking to the library. The Doctor felt he needed some quiet, some time to finally let everything out of the cages that existed in his mind. He crossed in front of Rose's room, the door closed, hiding it's sleeping occupant. After staring at it for a moment, he looked ahead of him and forced his feet to move forward.

Once in the library, he sat in his favorite blue armchair, slouching down deep in its comfort. He brought the mug to his lips, letting the scorching liquid burn his throat. The Doctor thought back to Rose and the look on her face when that red-headed woman made him dance. It was a look of hurt, disappointment and something else. And it was that something else that made _him_ hurt because what he saw in her eyes just then was the most telling of all…it told him that she wasn't surprised.

Not surprised that he'd left her.

Not surprised that there was another woman in his arms.

Not surprised that woman wasn't her.

And he'd done that to her. There was no one else to blame for that look in her eyes because he'd put it there. The Doctor had felt remorse many times in his existence, that is, after all, why he liked to leave after the job was done. Never looking back.

But he couldn't leave this time. No, he couldn't leave Rose behind.

She had smiled at his past regeneration, had let him kiss her and eventually returned the favor. It had been so easy for the past him to show her how wonderful she is. But that was before.

He couldn't run away from it now though. The feel of her lips on his, the feverish kisses trailing into softer and equally loving ones were teasing him. It made him want to remember completely…made _him_ want to kiss her.

The Doctor felt his heart pound as soon as he thought of the urge. Feelings that he wasn't accustomed to feeling about Rose. The feelings he always hid. For her sake. For his. If he allowed himself to feel them, to act on them, they would be his undoing.

After all, he knew he'd lose her eventually and he wasn't so keen on feeling the pain that would happen to him then. The Doctor didn't want to allow himself to love her only to lose her.

He'd been broken when he met her. All it would do was break him for good.

He leaned forward to place his mug on the table. Resting his elbows on his knees, he buried his face in his hands. The Doctor took a deep breath when he finally admitted to himself the truth that he refused to acknowledge each and every time.

It would hurt to lose Rose now or in the future because it wasn't a question of allowing himself to love her. It was realizing that he already did. That he always had.

And always would.

***

_We're almost near the end :( _

_But we're not there yet :)_

_Hope you're enjoying it!_


	13. Choices

***

Rose tossed and turned for the millionth time in the two hours since she'd gone to bed. Exhaustion ached in her bones and she wanted to sleep, but as soon as her head hit the pillow, she felt wide awake. Images and emotions kept turning over and over in her mind. Whenever she'd close her eyes, she'd see him there…that mysterious man. Rose could see his smile, that twinkle of wonder in his eyes. She could almost feel him. His skin on hers, and his lips…

And then automatically, images of the Doctor overcame her senses, sending her heart into a tailspin. She had done nothing wrong, she knew that. And as much as she didn't want to compare the Doctor and John, Rose found herself doing it anyway. They each were fantastic and intelligent and just…different. Each promised her something better, something brilliant. And under different circumstances in another time, Rose would have fallen hard for the mysterious John, but right now, her life already had one man she didn't want to live without. One she _chose_ not to live without.

Such a hurtful shame that he couldn't feel that way about her.

Sighing deeply, Rose surrendered the fight and sat up in bed. She swung her legs off the bed and her feet touched the cold floor as she stood up to take a walk to the library. If she was going to be up and awake, might as well do something about it.

As she got to the library, Rose noticed that it was empty. The Doctor must have gone to his room to rest or was tinkering away in the console room. It was probably for the best that he wasn't there – she wouldn't have known what to say to him. She sat down on the long couch in front of the crackling fire that the Tardis always seemed to have going on just perfectly all the time and hugged her knees to her chest. Staring at the flames hypnotized her…stilled her nerves and allowed her to think of the memories more clearly and freely.

Her mind drifted into thoughts of what could be, what was and wasn't, and what would never be.

***

The Doctor gave up trying to ignore the feelings that had arisen from his hearts. He had started tinkering needlessly in the console room, hoping that all those thoughts and urges would simply disappear. Now, there he was two hours later and he was just as equally if not more stricken with those same wants and needs. The word caused him to pause in his steps as he tried to exit the room. Need? Did he _need _Rose? Was this closeness that he so desired something that he felt he _needed_? Automatically he thought of losing Rose, of never being able to see her trouble-maker smirk, of never being able to touch her soft skin again, or grasp her hand in his. It became quite clear then that, yes, he very much needed her.

Exasperated at his conflicting feelings and thoughts – a being as logical as he shouldn't be perturbed by such emotions, he argued with himself - he crossed in front of his beloved library. Something made him stop and turn to look into it. Always the curious one, he took a step toward the couch and saw a sleeping Rose lying upon it. She was laying face up, an arm haphazardly reaching above her and off the arm of the couch. The other was placed peacefully on her stomach. Her chest was rising and falling softly and there was a small smile playing on her lips. She was wearing a simple bright pink shirt that had raised slightly over her stomach, a patch of skin showing underneath and her black shorts showing too much of her slender legs – they were her standard sleeping clothing but they weren't helping the Doctor any in his endeavor to control what he was feeling.

The Doctor began to back out of the room and had successfully turned around toward the door when he heard Rose stir. He turned back having heard her grumble something. His want to leave the room fought with his never ending curiosity to hear her mumblings. Furrowing his brow, he took a quick step around to the door again when he finally heard it.

"John."

He felt his hearts stop and thunder loudly in his chest at the same time. Quite impossible, but he was beginning to question these impossibilities since Rose appeared to defy them all. Defeated, he took a small soft step toward her sleeping figure and was surprised to find her smile had grown. The Doctor gulped loudly, his mouth and throat suddenly very dry. Rose fidgeted a bit in her sleep before finally turning over to the back of the sofa, her eyes still softly closed and very much asleep.

"John," she repeated, this time with a sigh.

All the Doctor could do was stare, his hearts beating, crashing against his chest.

***

_Sorry I've been MIA lately. School and all that. Hope you're still enjoying it! _

_Thanks for reading :)  
_


	14. So Human

Rose stirred in her sleep. Ultimately, it was her nose touching the back of the couch, its soft material tickling her, that finally awoke her. She brought back her arm from the arm of the couch to meet her other on top of her stomach. It took her a moment to realize where she had fallen asleep. Stretching her body, from her toes to her fingertips, she smiled broadly remembering her dream in which she relived the moments with John. Normally her dreams were made up of images of the Doctor speeding through her mind, but this night had belonged to John – for he had given her something the Doctor couldn't.

With her eyes closed and still stretching, she turned over onto the other side of the couch. Smiling at the last remnants of her dream, she opened her eyes and instantly felt her heart stutter. Sitting quietly in the blue armchair near the fireplace was the Doctor. He had on the most peculiar face – it was one he had never worn before, at least not while he was with her. It was a mixture of pain and pleasure. Instinctively, she tugged down the hem of her t-shirt. Rose had been around the Doctor in her pajamas before, but this time she felt exposed, too naked to be in front of him. She chuckled nervously as she sat up and attempted to pat down what was surely a haystack of a hairstyle.

"Doctor…is it morning?" Why was her heart threatening to detach itself from her chest?

He looked on at her, not blinking once, head against the back of his chair, mouth set in neither a frown nor a smile – it was all very odd, concluded Rose.

The Doctor continued to stare at her intently for a moment. Eventually, he brought himself out of his reverie and whispered, "No…well…not really. You should probably still be asleep." He said it so quietly that Rose strained to hear him. The tone that he used frightened her a bit; there was a sound of defeat to it. Rose forced herself to wake up properly and ran her fingers through her hair, "Doctor, what's wrong, what is it?"

To this, the Doctor smiled slightly, a twinkle sparkling in his eyes. Rose smiled in response, just as she always did. His smile did that to her.

"Nothing. I'm alright." And that's where he stopped, but still, he continued to stare at her.

His stare was making her self-conscious, something she had become accustomed to feeling near him since his recent trip to France. The memory made Rose's grin melt into a frown – instantaneous, that's how much she hadn't forgotten how it felt when he left her. The Doctor appeared to have noticed the change and was about to open his mouth when Rose beat him to it.

"Well, I'm gonna go get a bit more sleep in my own bed. Need it if we're gonna do any bit of running…which we probably will…I mean…it's us, yeah?" The baffle of words escaped her mouth involuntarily, anything to not have him ask her what was wrong. She was tired of that story and wanted to forget about it. She was still angry, but was looking forward to ignoring it. Or at least trying to.

The Doctor's smile nearly evaporated and he looked as if he wanted to say something more, but decided against it. He simply nodded softly and left it at that.

Good, Rose thought. She offered him a smile, not as hearty as she would have before, but a smile nonetheless as she got up and left him sitting alone in his chair in the quiet Tardis library.

The pain that had fluttered across her eyes just then broke his hearts. The Doctor knew that he was the cause of that pain and that it had been happening again and again recently. He'd done everything wrong with her. Why was it that he had grown more confident and flirty with her, but had also lost whatever sense he had before he had regenerated? He wasn't doing anything right and he couldn't fully understand why.

The Doctor couldn't remember a time in which he felt so human.

If this continued, this silent game…this _cycle_ of him hurting Rose and Rose running away from him (isn't that how this adventure began?), if it became a habit…he would surely lose her. He'd lose her sooner than he wanted to because the truth was that he _never_ wanted to lose her.

Suddenly, he got up from his position on the chair and walked out of the room towards where she was. There was a heat of desperation and fear rising within him, encircling his hearts. He had felt it too often in his nine hundred plus years and he couldn't feel it in regards to Rose. Not her.

His walk turned into a jog. The Doctor didn't know what he was doing. He knew that he was headed toward her room, but he didn't know what he was going to do beyond that. All the Doctor knew then was that he couldn't let the cycle keep on going, time was running out just like it always did for him.

But this time, he had so much to lose if he lost her.

He couldn't lose her.

_He has to run fast because Rose is really upset this time. Hope you all liked and thank you for reading, as always! Such loyal readers I have :)_


	15. Fear Itself

Rose was arranging her pillows and covers the way she liked them, knowing she would need any comfort she could muster. The memories of Reinette and the Doctor's…_adventure_…brought back feelings she was fighting to keep hidden. After throwing the last pillow on the bed, a bit too harshly, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She found that it calmed her a bit and walked over to turn off the light, eager to get in a few more hours of sleep. The night had been a busy one and she wanted to live in that land of dreams for awhile longer before she had to face reality again.

She was about to flip the switch to engulf the room in darkness when loud knocking on her door startled her.

"Rose? Can I come in, I need to speak to you," said the Doctor, his voice dripping with nervous energy. Hearing him sound like that confused Rose and so her instinct was to open the door immediately. However, when she placed her hand on the doorknob, she hesitated. That natural way they treated each other was becoming more and more tainted with doubt and fear. Still, she thought while biting her bottom lip, he's the Doctor and she'd be there for him no matter what, she'd already decided that. So, in a swift move, she turned the knob to open the door for the Doctor.

He stood in her doorway looking quite a fright. His eyes were a bit glassy and she could see that his hands were trembling.

"Doctor, what's wrong?" the words were laced with fear.

Rose could see him swallow harshly as he shoved his shaking hands into his pockets.

"Can I come in?"

The words were normal enough, but he had never asked her so politely to enter her room…or any room for that matter. All she could do was nod as she let go of the knob and stepped back to sit on her bed.

The Doctor looked at her for a moment before stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. Rose lifted an eyebrow to this. Whatever it was that the Doctor wanted to tell her, it must be serious. The thought scared her as she couldn't help but think what was always at the edge of her mind, _What if he asked her to leave?_

Apparently taking notice of the fear and confusion on her face, the Doctor hurried to say something.

"Um…how…how are you feeling?" he wasn't used to stuttering…not like that.

"Fine. Doctor…what…what's wrong?" her voice was soaking with fear and her stomach felt like a hurricane had blossomed in it.

The Doctor was pacing in front of her, the beating of her heart growing with each second that passed. Rose was about to scream when he finally stopped and sat next to her on her bed and took her hand.

Instead of making her calm, his touch made her head dizzy with nervousness.

"Rose? There's...something I have to tell you…" his voice trailed off, his brown eyes focused on their hands.

_Here it comes_, Rose thought, _he's going to tell me to leave. _

She could already feel the tears building up inside of her.

The Doctor could see that she was scared, but he couldn't focus on why she would be feeling that way because he was too focused on what he was about to reveal to her. It seemed that he had an infinity of words in his mind and yet none of them were making it out of his mouth. He could see tears building up in her eyes, and the ever-strong Tyler-will keeping them at bay.

His fingers, so rough and calloused, were drawing his native language on her skin. They were words and symbols intertwined with meaning. So many things and she couldn't understand a single one of them. Not until he let her know in her own language.

The Doctor was about to open his mouth when Rose beat him to it. Again.

"Doctor…don't…don't make me go. You can't. Don't…" the tears in her eyes were winning her over. It broke his hearts to see how much fear he had caused her to feel.

Unable to think of something clever, something absolutely brilliant to say, the Doctor merely stared at her, his fingers stilled on her skin but held her hand tight, afraid that if he let her go, she'd run.

They had done far too much running.

"You…you can't make me Doctor," Rose's voice quivered but continued, "I made my choice a long time ago and…"

And Rose was unable to finish that promise as she noticed that the Doctor's free hand, the one that wasn't clutching at her, had reached to cup her cheek. Hands with such strength now touched her with gentleness, the way they had always touched her. But this time was different. His fingertips were trailing over her skin. His touch, so foreign and yet not, burned her skin and dizzied her. It reminded her of something…it tickled at her memory.

Like so much else, touching Rose was not the part that was difficult. All this time, the Doctor realized, it was _not_ touching her that had been the problem. His hand traced those familiar symbols that were full of promises and devotion onto her skin. He couldn't decide if he was breathing or not, though his hearts were beating awfully fast. Rose's tears had stopped falling, and her eyes were fixed on the Doctor's. He smiled slightly at the incredulity in them. And then, because words had stopped being enough a long time ago, the Doctor lowered his head and with an aching slowness, met his lips with Rose's.

The kiss was like a shared breath between the Doctor and Rose. Lips met with lips in a tentative and familiar way. Rose couldn't grasp what was happening except that it was. Feeling the Doctor like this, his lips on hers, his hand having moved from hers to her waist slightly pulling her to him and her hands on his hearts, each one thumping hard against her fingertips, all of this felt so natural. It felt like they had always been doing this.

It was unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was the stars and the sky and the planets and their moons. Each belonged with the other just like Rose belonged with him. It was inevitable. He could feel her skin on his and their lips moving as one. The Doctor could feel her hands on his hearts, hearts that were terrified of breaking at the loss of her, but that would thrive on having her. He encircled her waist with his arm, pulling her closer and knowing that the closest touch wouldn't be close enough for him. The memories of his Eighth self were flooding back just as they had earlier in the evening. It felt so right then and now it simply cemented what was always there.

Loving her was like breathing. He simply had to do it.

The intensity of the kiss grew and Rose moved one of her hands to the Doctor's hair, something she had only ever dreamed about. She massaged his scalp gently, feeling him shudder under her touch. The feeling that she could do that to him, that he would react that way to her touch, thrilled her. Slowly she moved her hand down to his neck…

Memories came flooding back and the kiss was no longer just a kiss but a memory as well. Feeling his skin under hers, his lips…they…

She had felt them before.

And in a matter of seconds, it all came back.

Rose stopped the kiss abruptly, pulling back slightly and looked into the Doctor's questioning, but loving, eyes. And staring into those chocolate-brown eyes which had once been ocean-blue, she whispered one word…

"John?"

_Uh Oh. haha._

_Thanks for reading :)  
_


	16. Feeling Foolish

The Doctor felt his hearts stop and his eyes bulge. Did she say what he thought she said?

"Wha-what?" he stammered. For a Time Lord, the English language was doing quite a number on his tongue.

Rose shook her head, but the feeling that came over her when he kissed her wouldn't go away. The thought immediately gave way to the other thought she was having at the moment...

The Doctor had just kissed her.

Rose didn't know what to pay attention to first, the fact that the Doctor had just done what she never would have thought he would do...EVER..., or the fact that she couldn't get it out of her mind that their kiss was much like the one she shared with John.

Rose sat on her bed, her face twisted in confusion. She looked up to the Doctor and saw that he was confused as well...wavering on some imaginary line. Rose had always hoped he'd cross it, and now that he had, she was both elated and terrified. What had just happened?

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

The Doctor stumbled on each thought that was passing through his massive mind.

First, he had just kissed Rose, his companion, his best friend, his plus one, his pink-and-yellow human - and he wanted to _keep_ kissing her and he kept wanting to call her _his_. But did he really expect to get what he wanted without having to answer some questions first? How daft.

Second, she had just called him John. And since he had not responded with automatic confusion at being called by another man's name, there was reason to believe that he couldn't play this off. And so what was left, but to tell her the truth.

The Doctor cleared his throat and contemplated if he should continue sitting next to her or stand. At the last moment he decided to stand as he wasn't sure how she would take what he was about to reveal to her.

"Uh Rose…I think there's something I should tell you…" his voice sounded oddly pressured and thick. His hands were shaking with nervousness. He would never understand how she could make him nervous. She was the only one who ever could.

With somber, confused eyes, Rose looked up at him and waited.

He ran his hands through his hair and began to pace in front of her. "The thing is Rose…," he started, "I…uh…." This wasn't going well at all.

"Do you know who John is, Doctor?" Her voice was low and cautious. The Doctor stilled his pacing and looked at her. Their eyes met and everything and nothing passed between them. Everything because that is what they were to each other, and nothing because she still didn't understand. Not really.

Not yet.

"I believe…he is the man that you met at the ball…upstairs…in the dark room." The Doctor refused to take his eyes off of her. He wanted to watch her, to see if she made the connection before he could utter it. Rose continued looking up at him, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"How did you know that?" she whispered.

The Doctor coughed. "Wellll….," he stalled, "I know many things. Such as, did you know that the number of stars in the sky isn't really…"

Rose's voice interrupted him, patiently but with urgency, "Doctor."

One word. That's all it took. He frowned slightly and nodded. The Doctor took a step to the bed and sat down next to Rose again, and faced her. There was an urge to take her hand, but he was unsure if she would want him touching her. The thought made him ache.

"Right, well…the reason why I know who John is…is because…well…I'm John."

There. There it was. The words had rolled off his tongue without (much) hesitation. Perhaps it was because he had wanted to tell her since he kissed her the very first time…as John. Rose remained silent and continued staring at him. Taking this as her believing that he was lying, the Doctor began rambling off his evidence.

"He gave you something to drink and handed you his handkerchief. He asked you to go away with him and shared a dance with you. And then, he…"

"…kissed me," she finished, quietly.

The Doctor smiled, despite himself and his fear that he felt crawling up his throat. Rose stared at him, at every single one of his features.

"That's right."

Rose stared straight into his eyes and laughed. The laughter did not reach her eyes as she said, the words rolling off her tongue, "I should have known it was you."

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

_We're almost at the end folks *tear* No worries, the ideas for new FanFic is ever forming in my mind. Also, sorry, I couldn't end it that easily with the kiss ha. I think I have repressed anger toward the Doctor. It's my psychology-logic speaking ha. _

_As always, thanks for reading! I will get to those reviews soon, promise :)  
_


	17. The Way it Should Be

Now it was the Doctor's turn to stare at Rose as he was completely confused as to how Rose could be laughing about the situation. His mouth was open, but for once, he was quite speechless.

Rose smiled sadly at the Doctor as she tilted her head, looking at him. "I should have known it was you. You did say it once."

The Doctor finally closed his mouth and raised his eyebrow, clearly confused at the words. She smiled at him, the smile not completely present in her eyes. "Remember Doctor, time travelers are to 'eat the food, make mistakes, and kiss complete strangers,' or was that just supposed to be you?" Her words were teasing toward him, but there was pain laced with them. The Doctor didn't know what hurt him the most, that Rose thought he kissed every woman he met, or that he had made her believe it.

He was flabbergasted. Time traveling was exactly that – it was eating the strange food, and making mistakes with the language and customs, and sometimes meeting someone that just utterly understood you in the moment…a moment that, yes, could end with a kiss. But how could he make her believe that she was different. That she would always be different.

Rose coughed slightly, clearing her throat and decided to make light of the situation. The Doctor couldn't help it if his traveling often ended with him kissing whoever was there at the moment. She laughed slightly at the thought. Now she was excusing his kisses with other women? Rose believed she was. How else could she explain why he had kissed her? At that moment, as John, he had kissed a lonely girl who had been weeping over her best friend. In this moment, Rose didn't know what had happened, but maybe the night had brought back memories that the Doctor was curious about.

He was always curious about something, wasn't he?

"That makes this time the second time you've kissed me then." She said.

"Well, the third time actually." He corrected, absentmindedly, still reeling about her way of thinking.

"No, it's the second time." she added, confused.

"No, that's not the time I was talking about." It was beginning to dawn on him what he was doing. And he slowly realized he couldn't stop it.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I mean there was a time in between the first time and this time." He hoped she'd leave it at that, but knew that she wouldn't. She was Rose of course.

"WHAT time?"

The Doctor gulped and figured it was the best and worst time to say it. "I kissed you to save you from the vortex. Well, I didn't have to kiss you…" he trailed off, wondering if he was going to get a Tyler slap. He wasn't very fond of those.

Rose didn't know what to say. There were so many questions to ask and she was just confused as to what to do with what he had just said. Not knowing how to react, she reacted the only way she knew how….with anger.

She stood up, "you…you KISSED me? Back when you were the other you?" her voice was getting louder and louder. What else wasn't he telling her? First he's leaving her for someone that he just met, then for a redhead, then he was John and now he was kissing her. What was she to him? Some pawn to be played with?

The Doctor didn't know what to do, so he did what he always did, he simply stared at her and nodded.

A cold, unbelieving laugh escaped her, "is there anything else you want to tell me? I mean, Doctor, you're just a bundle of questions you are. You fall in love at the drop of a hat, kiss strangers and save them too."

He didn't know what to say, he was all that and none of that at the same time. He was a contradiction.

She knew she wasn't going to get an answer. There was no time in which she would get the answers she wanted.

"It's fine Doctor. Completely and utterly fine. What's to be expected yeah? The first time you kissed me, well, the first time for me anyway, I didn't even know it happened until a few minutes ago. The second time you kiss me, I don't know that it's you. And the third time you kiss me…well, why did you kiss me?" The words came out before she could stop it…but there they were.

The Doctor looked at Rose…really looked at her. His mouth was agape as he couldn't believe she had asked him that, let alone the fact that he didn't know how to answer her.

But that was the thing, wasn't it? The Doctor knew exactly how to answer her.

"Because I wanted to." The words came out in a whisper, but they were the loudest words Rose had ever heard.

She didn't know what to say. Was it meant to be some habit of the Doctor, that he _always _did what he wanted no matter what or was it something…more?

So Rose said the only thing that she could think of, "Oh." She walked toward her mirror and looked at her reflection. There was so much running through her mind and yet nothing at all. Her body felt numb. How many more games were they going to play? She was tired of playing.

The Doctor stared at her as she looked in the mirror. There was nothing about her he didn't adore, but more and more he was getting the feeling that she stopped believing his words a long time ago.

Around the same time another blond was sharing his attention.

He ran his hands through his hair, the motion that signaled his frustration. Rose knew he was doing it without even looking at him. How far would she hurt herself to stay with him? Maybe it was time to say goodbye to this dream. It wasn't like her to give up, but how could she continue this charade knowing that all she was going to get were stolen kisses whenever he felt like it?

"It's the truth Rose. How can I make you see that I'm telling you the truth?" the words came out strangled, the fear evident in his voice.

Rose felt the numbness melt away, replaced with an anger so pent up that she couldn't stop herself before it exploded.

"Maybe if you considered telling me the truth in _other _situations, I wouldn't doubt everything you do now! What do you think Doctor? You know I won't leave you! You know this because I've promised you forever since the first day you told me to run." The words came out rushed and in a frantic manner. After she rid herself of everything she had been feeling since he left her on that ship….left her for Reinette. Rose flinched at the thought. The name still caused her pain. Would it ever cease to?

The Doctor stood opposite his companion, his mouth open and dumbstruck. It was only until then that he realized that perhaps he had pushed her too far. But he couldn't lose her, he refused to lose her. He took a step near her only to watch her move away from the mirror, one step back. The movement hurt his nerves, the pain traveled throughout his body.

"Rose…" he started, unaware of how he expected to finish it.

She shook her head, "Nothing makes me different Doctor. Nothing. And unlike when I first started this life with you, I've accepted it. I'm _fine _with it. Just…stop this. Stop looking at me the way you do sometimes. Stop stealing kisses when they mean nothing to you, when they're just something you want in the moment. Because…," Rose stopped herself as she knew what was coming next.

He felt his hearts stop and perspiration began to form on his forehead. "Because what, Rose?"

Rose let a choked laugh leave her throat. Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes. "You really need me to say it? Don't you see it every day?" She looked away from him then, wrapped her arms around her middle as if trying to keep herself together. The Doctor urged his own hurt to dissipate as he felt he didn't deserve sympathy for it. He kept hurting her and that was always the last thing he wanted to do. The Doctor walked towards her even though she had her back to him. He looked on at her, his hand reaching out to touch her shoulder. Skin was about to meet skin when he stopped. How far was he willing to go for her?

He thought back to how much she had given up for him, how far she was willing to put her heart on the line just to be with him. The Doctor wanted to be that for her.

Rose felt the Doctor's hand on her shoulder, urging her to turn around. She had done everything else, so she turned around to face him, surprised at how close he was to her. His breath was on her skin and he was looking at her with that same look she had asked him just moments earlier not to. She felt the weakness in her knees and the stab of pain in her chest knowing that she couldn't have him.

The Doctor touched her shoulder, leaving trails with his fingertips up to her neck and just below her ear. He felt her shudder beneath his touch and even though he felt broken because of her words, he savored the fact that his touch could do that to her.

"You don't need to say it," he murmured, "I see it in everything that you do, in every way that you are. But somewhere along the way, you stopped seeing it in me."

Rose looked at him, not believing what she had just heard. Maybe she passed out sometime back there and was having another one of those dreams. That might explain why his fingers on her skin felt so right.

He used her silence as an opportunity, "I know I've done things…I know that I've been wrong. But Rose, believe me when I say that there is no one I'd rather spend this or any other life with than you. It's been that way since I saw you in that basement, ever since I first felt your skin against mine and even when it isn't forever, I will still love you."

The Doctor felt his hearts still once more. He had finally said it, finally said the words that he didn't even know he had all the way back when he was long-haired and cordial. The words came out so easily.

There was a silence in the room. Rose couldn't wrap her mind around the words. Words she had always wanted to hear, even before she knew it. She looked up at him, unsure of where their conversation turned confession session was going.

It was proper that she didn't say anything just then. She had done too much already. So the Doctor inched forward afraid that she would move away, but decided that he was tired of being afraid of what he wanted. He lowered his face to hers, hyper-aware that she hadn't moved. He opened his mouth and whispered, "It's always been you, Rose Tyler." Before she could respond, the Doctor covered her mouth with his and once again greedily tasted the uniqueness that was Rose. Her response was hesitant at first and the Doctor feared she would move away hastily. He soon felt that fear melt away as he felt her respond to him and grip his waist. The kiss intensified, the pressure growing as he opened his mouth in search of her. Rose tried hard to stifle the tears she felt grow within her. This was everything she ever wanted and everything she didn't expect in the best way. Slowly, their endless, seamless kisses tapered to gentler kisses as the Doctor continued to caress her face, never wanting to let her go.

Rose didn't want to move away from him and so she held on to his waist, feeling his fingertips on her skin and whispered the only thing she couldn't help but think, "What does this mean, Doctor?" Her voice trembled and she was beginning to realize that if she wasn't holding on to him, she might have buckled right there and then.

The Doctor tucked a strand of her blond hair behind her ear, smiling softly. "It seems to me that it's your decision Rose. I know I've done things I shouldn't have done, that I will never do again. I promised your mother I'd take care of you, and that means in every which way not just from monsters. I wouldn't blame you if you still didn't believe me, but if you still want me, I can tell you Rose that I most definitely want you, now and forever. But the decision is yours….it has always been yours." His voice broke at the end as he feared that she would chose anything but to be with him.

Rose looked up at him and smiled. He was looking down and couldn't see her brilliant smile, one she thought she wouldn't wear ever again. He was afraid of losing her, she could see it so clearly now. Was it always there? Here he was, leaving himself so vulnerable in front of her, asking her to be his.

There was never a question about it. Rose wanted to be his forever, she already was…all she had ever wanted was to know that she could call him hers as well.

Reaching under his chin, she lifted it so that he could look at her…really look at her.

His eyes held a fear she wasn't used to seeing. Rose let her fingertips trail from the bottom of his chin to the side of his face.

The touch of her skin on his left burning trails. The Doctor didn't want to think of the possibility that it could be the first and last time he could touch her like that.

"Forever," whispered Rose, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

The Doctor let out a breath of relief he didn't know he had been holding. He smiled his big, toothy smile as he reached down to pick up his pink and yellow human to hold her tight against him, where he wanted to keep her always.

Rose relished in feeling her body against the Doctor and she knew that there was no other place she wanted to be.

Because that is where she had always chosen to be and exactly where she belonged.

* * *

_OMG, we're at the end! I thought I had two more chapters to go. I'm a bit sad really :(_

_I've just now (literally) gotten to all my reviews. Thank you to everyone who has ever taken time out to read my story and review – I read them and I do reply because it means sooo much to me. _

_Now, I wanted opinions on two ideas of mine. _

_1. I usually write my stories and when I complete them or am close to competing them, I post them. I'd like to write one as I post them and take feedback from readers and let you all decide (basically) where the story is going. How does this sound?_

_2. Also, I've been toying with trying my hand at a more *ahem* rated R Doctor/Rose story. What do you think, should I try it?_

_Thanks again for reading everyone! xoxo!_


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